He explained he loved her more,
Discarding me once it became too difficult.
That’s the trouble with falling in love
with a man who belongs to someone already.
Tends to get very messy when the owner
demands you remove yourself immediately.
A heart that never belonged with yours.
A home that was only a creation in your mind.
Future plans and curtains hung on imaginary windows.
At first the self loathing is all you have,
until the reality sets in that he held fault as well.
He told me how special I am, so beautiful,
smart, funny, and all of those bouncy charms
winning me over until my senses clouded.
It could be mine.
It might even be love.
Once it’s not,
once the pain sears at you
with that final call of goodbye.
Weeks of silence stretches into months.
and suddenly those simple reminders become epic.
Turn off the song you shared
during one long summer night.
Change that perfume you once
spritzed in a note to him.
Letters, cards, and trinkets scatter
when thrown in frustration.
He’s fine, she’s fine, they’re fine.
Like it never even happened.
Perhaps I didn’t exist to him.
This perfect creature he never really knew,
really live and love beside as
his spun stories led one to believe.
Sipping my coffee
staring out into the streets of busy days.
Learning to breath again.
So much more beyond
surface pains layered through the years.
Delve into my mind,
to find the fantasy I guard.
At one time you toyed with the key.
Parting from an everyday route to work.
Flowers, candy and promises as fragile as
You struggled with your own betrayals.
Leaving me to my dreams.
Swimming in the fantasy I guard.
I sat at the bottom of my wall
built with cruelty and fear.
Finding I longed for you,
to make you laugh with my wit.
Wondering if I might learn
how to dance around power struggles.
Planting daisies in the fantasy I guard.
Our love affair mentally sketched out in a three-minute play,
after our accidental bump at the art show.
Fickle notions of forever
seem too long for the damaged.
Eternity is that day you forgot to call.
Infinity in that night I never came home.
Losing myself within the fantasy I guard.
Once we left that corner
our hearts fell.
Following years of broken dreams,
hurtful cries of irrationality,
betrayals that were understood only by the accused.
Later encounters that would never actually materialize.
Those wisps of hope falling.
My memories of all we did and what we never said,
puzzle pieces that will never connect again.