At the very moment no one anticipates
a problem, it happens.
Your world changes to something unrecognizable
yet it’s oddly calming in the same notion.
Day-to-day struggles, stresses and concerns
melt away in that moment.
Even though new worries can set
a blurred frenzy of doubt for the future.
Bills, gas, groceries, then a petulant child at the store
who may not survive without a new toy.
It just feels like it will be manageable.
I have to wonder if it is not the optimism of the middle class.
Those of us that have managed to tape and paste a modest life
for ourselves and our families.
Seems we were always one paycheck away from
having to move in with Aunt Rita.
As I turn in my keys.
Turn in my identification.
Throwing a tantrum in my head screaming, “You idiots!!”
Warm sun hits my face as I exit the building one final time.
So much more beyond
surface pains layered through the years.
Delve into my mind,
to find the fantasy I guard.
At one time you toyed with the key.
Parting from an everyday route to work.
Flowers, candy and promises as fragile as
You struggled with your own betrayals.
Leaving me to my dreams.
Swimming in the fantasy I guard.
I sat at the bottom of my wall
built with cruelty and fear.
Finding I longed for you,
to make you laugh with my wit.
Wondering if I might learn
how to dance around power struggles.
Planting daisies in the fantasy I guard.
Our love affair mentally sketched out in a three-minute play,
after our accidental bump at the art show.
Fickle notions of forever
seem too long for the damaged.
Eternity is that day you forgot to call.
Infinity in that night I never came home.
Losing myself within the fantasy I guard.